Extra Virgin :: Flipping the Switch

One thing that virgins may deal with when they get married is a phenomenon many women refer to as “flipping the switch”. Basically, it begins to dawn on them that after years of suppressing their sex drive and viewing sex as a bad thing, one night it will be suddenly, irrevocably good. Not just good, but encouraged. 

It’s easy after all those years of ignoring your feelings, to actually feel like you don’t even have them anymore. Engagement can be especially difficult, because while you’re trying to start thinking of sex in a positive light, you’ve still been charged by God to remain abstinent until marriage. 

Here are a couple suggestions for “flipping the switch” ::

  • Remember this post? Sex is created by God for you. Let this truth sink in. Start thinking of sex as godly and good.
  • Don’t think of yourself as being pure “until” your wedding night. If married sex is godly, then it’s no worse than being an unmarried virgin. You’re just going from one good thing to another. 
  • Your virginity is not “lost”. You are soon to partake in one of God’s greatest gifts. Also, if you have a pure heart and body before you’re married, then you will have a pure heart and body after you’re married. There is such a thing as a woman who is pure but isn’t a virgin! Purity has nothing to do with whether or not you’ve had sex, but whether or not you participate in sex the way God intended. 
  • Let yourself look forward to sex. One afternoon while I was engaged, I was taking a nap and was suddenly deeply aroused and filled with anticipation for the moment when I could have sex with Logan. It was hard to know how to process and deal with these emotions and feelings. I got up out of bed, opened my journal, and wrote in giant letters, I want to have sex with my beloved.  Then, I basically said/shouted the same thing to God in a prayer. This really helped me to acknowledge that what I wanted wasn’t bad, to process my feelings, and to know that God would help lead me through the difficult waiting period of engagement. 

What are your thoughts? If you’re married, did you have a hard time “flipping the switch”? Any suggestions for a smooth transition? What about you single ladies? Do you have a hard time balancing a positive view of sex while maintaining the self-control to be abstinent? Any insights or tips for having a robust view of sex during engagement?

(Photo by the Parsons)


Posted by Aanna on Monday, October 20th, 2014


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