Extra Virgin :: Who do you talk to about sex?

Who do you talk to about sex? These days, I talk to Logan about sex (naturally), my sisters and a few friends are close enough to ask for sex advice, and lately I have conversations about sex on a philosophic level with just about anyone. But when I encounter a problem with sex, it can be really, really hard to broach the topic.

I’m not the only one, either. A friend recently mentioned that she came out of her bedroom just in time to see her roommate’s boyfriend’s naked bum as he scampered from the bathroom to the bedroom. “What should I do?” she asked me. “Should I say anything?”

Sex is so private that it seems like none of our business what other people do with their sexuality. Like it would be a presumptuous intrusion to ask a friend about her sex life.

But the Bible tells us to intrude—or rather, the Bible tells us that talking to one another about what is really going on in our lives is in fact not an intrusion at all, because what’s going on in my life is already your concern; by dint of the baptism that made me your sister, my joys are your joys and my crises are your crises. We are called to speak to one another lovingly, to be sure, and with edifying, rather than gossipy or hurtful, goals. But we are called nonetheless to transform seemingly private matters into communal matters…Speaking to one another about our sexual selves is just one (admittedly risky) instance of a larger piece of Christian discipleship: being community with each other.

I’ve thought a lot about Lauren Winner’s words over the past year, letting it truly sink in that my private matters are actually the communal matters of the church. And vice versa. One of the main reasons I write about sex on the blog is to help and be helped by my sisters in the Church. Warped sexuality is so prevalent among Christians that it can feel hopeless, but sometimes healthy sexuality is as simple as a conversation with a godly friend. Confession, grace, prayer, repentance, trust. Repeat.

What about you? Who do you talk to about sex? Do you discuss problems you’re having? Do you talk to your Christian friends about problems they’re having? If so, has this been helpful? If not, why don’t you? What are your motivations behind talking about sex or keeping quiet? How has God led you to talk about sex?

(Photo by the Parsons)


Posted by Aanna on Monday, July 6th, 2015


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