Extra Virgin :: When you're attracted to someone besides your husband...
Recently, I heard a close friend and mentor share some really great advice about a subject that few women talk about (but I’m guessing many women deal with) and I asked if I could share it here.
One thing I struggled with when I was first married was how to stay pure when you’re married. I grew up dating boys—dating one boy for a couple of years, breaking up, then dating someone else. When I first got married, it wasn’t long until the new wore off and I found myself attracted to someone else. I thought I had messed up. What if I had married the wrong person, and my “one true love” was still out there somewhere?!
There are a few things I would share with women who struggle with feeling attracted to other men or who are addicted to the “falling in love feeling” ::
- Find a safe girl friend with whom you can share your struggle. Temptation is not a sin, but dwelling on it can lead to lust. If you can say it out loud to someone you trust, it will help keep your secret temptation from becoming more attractive. Also, ask this friend to keep you accountable. Not all women will understand this temptation, but at least half of the people having affairs are women. You are not alone in this. Ask God to show you someone you can trust, and pray for each other.
- Do not tell another man you find him attractive. It will either set you both on fire, or you will feel like an idiot. Either way, you will regret it.
- If you find yourself attracted to another man, try not to make eye contact with him or talk to him a lot. This is just wise. You can also usually tell if someone else is attracted to you. If this happens, try to avoid eye contact and conversation with him as well.
- To keep myself above reproach, I never ride alone in a car or let myself be alone with another man. If I need to text another man, I include my husband in the text. If someone texts me about work, I show it to my husband.
The best thing I have done for my marriage is fight for it and work on it. The more I have worked on my marriage, the more I have grown in love with my husband.
Isn’t this so insightful and wise? I especially appreciate her practical tips for navigating such a tricky situation. If you are or have ever been in a similar spot, I hope you find this helpful!
Much love, Aanna
(Top photo via Kate Arends’ Instagram)