Extra Virgin :: What is your greatest need in marriage?

What is your greatest need in marriage?

  • Companionship?
  • Sex?
  • Intimacy?
  • A beautiful wedding?
  • To be loved?
  • Respect?
  • Financial stability?
  • To be known?

I probably would’ve answered some kind of combination of “to be known” and “to be loved”, but I’m currently reading a book that proposes something different. Here are a couple quotes ::

Our greatest need is to love God and to love others. Marriage provides “another” for us to love. So companionship is not just about my emotional desires, but also about my need to give, to serve and to love.

Marriage and sex teach us that love is its own reward; that joy is found in service; that it is more blessed to give than to receive; that you gain your life by giving up your life.

Sex teaches us the pleasure of giving of myself to my partner: the pleasure of giving pleasure; the love of loving; the honor of honoring; the blessing of being a blessing.

Maybe this is old news to you, but this is the first time I’ve really considered the idea. I keep turning this over in my head: “What if, when I serve my husband, I’m not giving up my own needs, but rather fulfilling my own need of loving another?” It’s a beautiful thought and creates a different perspective for times when you’re facing the choice of whether to be self-interested or sacrificial. Perhaps that’s a false dichotomy, and choosing to sacrifice yourself actually serves your own interests!

What about you? Have you ever thought of this before? What is our greatest need in marriage and sex? Do you think we have a need to love another? Did God create us with a need to serve someone besides ourself?

(Photo of William Holden and Aubrey Hepburn via Harper’s Bazaar)


Posted by Aanna on Monday, October 10th, 2016


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