Extra Virgin :: I want sex more than my husband
Thanks for all of your input last week. You brought many excellent questions and issues to the table, and I’m looking forward to addressing them here on the blog. Here’s the first ::
Am I the only woman on planet earth that wants sex more than her husband?
One of the most significant challenges that most couples face is the problem of differing sex drives. And to clarify, it’s not always the man who wants the most sex. A friend of mine once remarked that it’s about 50/25/25:
For 50% of couples, the man wants it more
For 25% of couples, the woman wants it more
For 25% of couples, they both want to do it like rabbits
Dealing with differing sex drives is incredibly challenging, and it’s often a complex tangle of natural tendencies, insecurities, and desires. I hope to address this topic with a little more depth at some point, but until then, here are some tips for when you want more sex than your husband:
- Start initiating sex. Don’t wait for him to ask you.
- Be aware of your expectations and make appropriate changes to your thinking. Stop expecting your husband “to meet your sexual needs perfectly. Settle for improvement. The perfect sex life you have in your mind probably doesn’t exist; it’s far more helpful to work toward something that’s better than to fight over an ideal two people will probably never achieve.” (Dr. Kevin Leman, Sheet Music)
- Comfort yourself with the truth that just because you have more libido than your husband doesn’t mean you’re weird or unnatural. It’s the way God made you and the way God made him.
- There’s a wide-spread assumption that men want sex more than women. Media, books, and preachers often state or joke about this “fact”. Because of this, if your husband has a lower libido than what’s normal on TV, you may fear that you are undesirable to him. This isn’t true. Trust him when he tells you he loves you and finds you attractive, and remember that God has made both of you with very unique sexual drives. Embrace who you are as a couple!
- If you’re dealing with feelings of suspicion or resentment towards your husband, pray about it and seek a godly mentor who you can talk to.
- Communicate as much as possible about what you’re feeling and ask him how he is feeling. Be open about your insecurities, fears and private thoughts, and remember to speak lovingly during these conversations. When he opens up, listen carefully and try hard to understand where he’s coming from. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
- Sometimes, counseling can be very helpful in situations like this. Check it out! As my husband says, “Strong people get help.”