Extra Virgin :: Good in Bed Part III
This is the third of a five part series that is all about the question, “How can I be good in bed?” Because of the uniqueness of each marriage relationship, it would be naive of me to try to perfectly answer this question for everyone, but I’d like to spend five weeks discussing some ways that I think a woman can give a lot of pleasure to her husband ::
I am my beloved’s and he is mine.
—Song of Songs 6:3
This poetic verse is a beautiful depiction of love. It conveys feelings both of ownership and sacrifice, of receiving and of giving. It’s sort of intoxicating in its sensuality, don’t you think? Oh, to feel so deeply about someone that you’ve given your body to him…and then to be loved so deeply in return that he gives his body to you!
There are several places in Scripture that teach this precept of marriage, but never is it so emotionally charged. Also, no where else is it so evident that this is a picture of Jesus and his church. Think about the extent to which Jesus has given himself to you. And then think about how, in your grateful love, you want to give yourself to Jesus.
The Lord is asking us to show the world a tangible picture of Jesus and his bride (Ephesians 5:22-33). There are many ways we give ourselves to our spouses, but in sex it’s even more evident, more literal than anywhere else. You literally give your body to your spouse and he to you. It’s a lovely depiction of trust, humility and service. To do this, Christians must be emotionally, physically and sexually available to our spouses.
However, this doesn’t work if you’re faking it—”God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7). This is the golden rule of giving. Sacrifice only means something if it’s cheerful and authentic. Suppressed resentment and bitterness completely negate any “giving” that might have occurred and will poison your relationship with your husband. It’s probably better to say no than to say yes and feel burdened or resentful.
Also, you don’t have to say yes all the time. Be real with your husband and tell him if you’re feeling tired or not in the mood. (Or ask him to “butter you up.” :) Marriage is about intimacy, and sometimes the most intimate thing you can do is transparently show him your true feelings. You won’t be perfectly Christlike all the time. Just don’t fake it—that’s hypocrisy.
And remember, you can expect your husband to be available to you, too. Obviously, don’t demand it from him, but realize that marriage and sex are a two way street. Know that you can go to him with your burdens, worries and cares. Go to him when you desire affection or affirmation. Go to him when you want sex. He’s your husband and God has put him in your life to love and care for you. Whether that’s through conversation, companionship or sex, he is yours, just as you are his.
(Top photo by The Parsons)