Years ago, when my sister got married, I wanted to give her something that might ease her transition into her new sex life. There were so many little tips and tricks that I (and Logan) had to learn the hard way and I didn’t want that to be her story. Also, it seemed like there were some things that a big sister could say that a mother or mentor couldn’t. :)
So, each time a sister or very close friend gets married, I make a little “sex basket” filled with things like towels, cranberry juice, the best lube, and Summer’s Eve. And I always include a little notebook with all the tips I wish I had known (you know…things like, “Be patient”, “Try different positions”, “Communicatecommunicatecommunicate”).
Mostly these are all things that you can figure out on your own eventually. In fact, I think it’s kind of fun to make these discoveries with your husband along the journey of your own sexual relationship. But a few things are just counter-intuitive and some information seems hard to find on your own. Things like finding the best way to discuss STIs with your fiancé, or how to know whether or not you have a urinary tract infection, or strategies for actually having an *ahem* orgasm.
I’m so very glad that I went into marriage with a lot of innocence, but I also feel like this was coupled with a lot of ignorance. This ignorance made things unnecessarily difficult when it came to experiencing intimacy with my husband. I’d like to help other women have the necessary information, along with their innocence, to accompany them into the bedroom.
So two years ago I started writing a book. Kind of a “big sister’s guide to your honeymoon night”. It’s full of real life stories and anecdotes of things that work. I’ve interviewed dozens of women, a doctor and a therapist, gleaning so many tried-and-true tips for a successful start to sex.
I’m so excited about sharing this information with other women that I’ve decided to start a weekly blog series about sex. I’ll be sharing excerpts and information from my book, information that would have come in handy when I first got married, and remains incredibly helpful in my own deepening relationship with my husband.
I know this is a sensitive, delicate subject. In fact, I’m full of fear and trembling, knowing how very fragile we all are when it comes to the fears, triumphs, and insecurities that take place in our bedrooms. If you’re uncomfortable with this, you’ll want to stay away from the blog every Monday. Or perhaps you have concerns with this project—I would love to hear them. I need all the godly counsel I can get in order to navigate this project in a way that will help and not hinder other women.
But for those of you who are interested in dialoguing further about godly sexuality and ways to grow in intimacy with your husband, please come back next Monday for the first installment of Extra Virgin. I hope you will. :)
Thanks so much for reading.