Writer :: Mother :: Lover :: Freedom Fighter

3 Things Men Do That Women Hate

Intro

I was going to post three things that women hate about men as a companion piece to Logan’s post. I wrote for hours yesterday and just couldn’t do it. Finally, after tears of exhaustion and frustration, I gave up. Today I’m writing again, and this is what I’m thinking ::

I feel a sense of despair when trying to communicate the differences between men and women. These are the recurring fights, the words we’ve heard again and again. What can I say that hasn’t already been said? How can I say it so it makes sense? How can I tell men everywhere — one more time — about their shortcomings when I know woman’s own demons are clinging to my back?

And the truth is, y’all hardly ever cut us down. Even late at night, talking with your friends on the back porch, you’ll never utter a word against us. I just don’t think we have the same filter. For every criticism that comes from your mouths, we give back ten in return.

But it’s because we care. So very much. Our hearts pound with the desire to be close to you. To be intimate. Transparent. To make for ourselves an epic love story. When anything comes between us and you, we bare our teeth and growl our warnings. Don’t you dare hurt our marriage. And sometimes we find ourselves growling at you, trying to scare away the things that prey on our relationship, forgetting it’s you we’re fighting for.

We love you. We adore you. We’d give our lives for you without batting an eye. So when you hear our criticisms, please remember that we’re not growling at you. This is just our way of protecting, guarding and fighting for our precious relationship with you. 

And forgive us our clumsy paws.

3 Things That Women Hate About Men

“Let me fix that for you…”

I hate how they always want to solve problems/answer questions/beat somebody up. Sometimes I just need to complain and be heard. That’s all.
I hate it when a girl talks emotionally about something and the guy immediately tries to think logically about the problem. Nope, the girl just wants to be heard.
I hate that they want to fix everything, even when you just need to vent.
I would like them to listen, not to fix the problem, but only to listen. I understand they want to help but sometimes all I want is someone I trust to let me vent.

When the woman in your life curls up beside you on the couch, looks deep into your eyes and then starts telling you about a problem, annoyance, or trouble of her day, your instinct seems to be to turn into some version of Superman/Jesus/Tim the Toolman Taylor. This is incredibly difficult for us as women, because your response feels businesslike, when all we wanted was a place of safety and comfort. (This is especially damaging when we are actually in the wrong and your solution involves pointing that out.) We understand that you love to love us by fixing our problems and protecting us from hurtful situations. In fact, it’s one of our favorite things about you. But there are times when we don’t want you to work for us, we just want you to sit beside us and be our friend.

The Takers

I hate guys’ wandering eyes. Never follow a man’s eyes when you’re in a crowded place. They never end up in a good place.
I hate that men treat their wives with disrespect or just ignore them for days but then get attentive when they want sex.
Men often don’t treat women as equal partners.
They might love boobs too much.
Men are responsible for almost all the violent crimes in the world.
They always want to do it.

First of all, I understand that godly men are extremely conscious of this problem. It haunts you. You’re working hard to stop it, but you’re bombarded by women and images of women who appear to be asking you to objectify them. It’s tough to resist this tsunami of temptation, and as godly women, we understand and love you in the midst of it. But this issue hurts, confuses and terrifies us. I think we  just want you to remember that this is not only a personal problem, but something that hurts us, too.

The Emotional Capacity of a Teaspoon

They think watching sports or playing video games is what everyone wants to do. When the tv’s on, nothing else matters around them.
Don’t recognize the life-giving power of pursuit and the life-destroying power of negligence.
They get frustrated when we’re emotional and want us to respond “normally”.
When guys ask, “Are you mad at me? Are you mad at me?”.
When guys are with their friends and act rude.
Men treat sports and video games as if they are of utmost importance while neglecting things that truly matter.
Men use severe sarcasm that puts people down. It’s not that funny and it doesn’t make me like them more. It hurts people’s feelings sometimes.
They can be harsh, sometimes not incredibly understanding.

This was by far and away the number one thing that women hate. I think the issue could be that women are so relationally sensitive, that it’s hard for us to remember that men may not want or even be capable of being as relationally oriented as we are. Our reaction is to think you’re mean, uncaring, and rude. We are so far from understanding your behavior that sometimes it feels like you’re trying to hurt our feelings. Even though we know that’s not true, we don’t understand it. 

Bonus Answers

Farting and picking their noses in front of a lot of people…grow up. 
Men are pretty particular about their clothes, but unwilling to shop for them.
“Neck beards”
When you get home, everything goes by the front door (ie shoes, socks, jacket, bike, lunch bag…).
The way that most men can think about one thing, or nothing at all, and be completely content. 
I hate when they play League of Legends without their headphones on.

Conclusion

As with Logan’s posts, my quotes were taken from a variety of women from many different age groups, all with a healthy view of men. Again, what’s been said comes from a place of deep love, care and commitment to you. We think you’re awesome. 

So men, what are you thinking? Please tell us! Why do you act the way you do? Help us understand. 

(Image via Pinterest)


Posted by Aanna on Wednesday, October 16th, 2013


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